Mirth & Jocularity on Tuesday Morning

Some people are worried about the difference between right
and wrong. I'm worried about the difference between wrong
and fun. P.J. O'Rourke
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A rabbi suffers a severe heart attack and is confined to the hospital for several weeks.
The synagogue's president pays him a visit.
"I want you to know, Rabbi, that last night the board of directors voted a resolution wishing you a speedy recovery. And it passed, twelve to nine."

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Dwight D. Eisenhower loved to paint but couldn’t draw – so he had other artists outline on his canvas the things he wanted to paint. This led directly to the paint-by-numbers fad of the 1950s.

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“It’s a question of whether we’re going to go forward with the future or past to the back.” Dan Quale

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Ward Cleaver: “You know, Wally, shaving is just one of the outward signs of being a man. It’s more important to try to be a man inside first.”

Wally: “Yeah sure, Dad.” “Leave It to Beaver”.

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“Things are more like they are now than they ever have been.” President Gerald Ford

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STUDIES ABOUT MALE JOGGERS HAVE SHOWN THAT…When they jog past a park bench where a young woman sits facing the running path, they will speed up their running pace significantly, even though she shows no sign of looking at them. But they’ll maintain their accustomed lope if her back is turned to the path.

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In the 1960s, four hippies spent their time roaming the Rocky Mountains gathering herbs for their own homemade tea. They got so good at it that they decided to sell herbs to local health food stores. They bankrolled the operation by selling an old Volkswagon and named the company after one of the women, whose “cosmic” name was Celestial. Today, Celestial Seasonings is the largest herbal tea company on Earth.

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“Fluency in English is something that I’m often not accused of.” George Bush, Sr.

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“It’s OK to be fat. So you’re fat. Just be fat and shut up about it.” Roseanne Barr

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Fascinating but true: In Bennettsville, S. C., a deaf man filed for divorce from his wife because “she was always nagging him in sign language.”

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A pound of houseflies contains more protein than a pound of beef.

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Many of the T-shirts made for Pope John Paul II’s visit to Miami were in Spanish. They were supposed to say “I saw the Pope.” Instead, they said, “I saw the potato.”

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“That’s not a lie, it’s a terminological inexactitude.” Alexander Haig

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Orville Wright was the first person in history to be killed in a plane crash.

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And for my good friend and brother-in-law, Dan

Mr. Potatohead was the first toy advertised on TV.

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And for my bird-hunting friend, Ernie..

I don't do drugs anymore 'cause I find I get the same effect just standing up fast.

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If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

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I don't approve of political jokes...I've seen too many of them get elected.

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If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Marys. But if it deals you a truckload of hand grenades... now THAT'S a message!

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I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore I am perfect.

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I married my wife for her looks...but not the ones she's been giving me lately!

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Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.

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Good question...

How come we choose the President from just two people but we select Miss America from fifty?

Have a great day!!